In August of 2010 my Granny died. I wanted to go to the funeral and my husband told me I could not go. He told me I was choosing them over him. Not leaving and cleaving to him as he felt scripture said. I decided I would go anyway. I wanted to say my last goodbyes to my grandparents. I needed time with aunts, uncles, brothers, and parents to say goodbye. He continued to say I couldn't go.
The night before the funeral after I had put the children to bed he turned on his music full blast and turned on every light in the downstairs level of the house. He kept it on most of the night. I slept on the couch and finally nodded off. I still got up in the morning and got everyone ready for the funeral. I gave the older children the choice of staying or going and 2 of them stayed home. I took the rest of the children with me. He came out of the house when I was pulling out and yelled at me where was I going. I told him I was going to the funeral and spending the day with the family. He asked me why I was taking the children? I told him they choose to go. He said oh so the 2 year old choose and I told him no she is too young to stay home because he wouldn't take care of her. I then left. He started calling my cell so I stopped answering I also called my mom and told her not to answer the phones because it wouldn't be me it would be my husband harassing them.
I went to the funeral. Loved my extended family and then in the evening I went home. I knew there would be a price to pay for going. There always was. And the price I paid was he took all the photos of the children and our family and any picture on the wall that had to do with God and destroyed it. I later found out he threw them over the fence on our property and into the woods on our land. I went and saved some of them but one in particular I never was able to find again. It was a frame that my father had made when I was a child, with a crosstitch also done by my father for our wedding present 21 years before. That was the day I seriously started to consider divorce. I could not live this way anymore and I didn't want the children to live this way either.
I decided that day I would start attending church and the next sunday I attended a church 13 miles away with the children except my oldest son who was still attending the AM church. So for several weeks I attended. We were averaging every other week because of illness'. But we had attended about 5 times.
During the last 6 months of my marriage he started taking me out to eat every friday. When it first started I was so hopeful. Finally something to help our marriage grow. But most nights he would ignore me. Even falling asleep in the booth. So after I had been attending the church for those 5 times he confronted me on our date night about going to church and not checking it out alone before taking the children. I took it as a reprimand for what I had done and attended church again that Sunday. As we were pulling out the driveway he ran out yelling where were we going. I told him church. He said I was only going to get new clients. (I had a small home business) I told him I needed fellowship with other believers and to worship God. I pulled out. He continued to call me. He asked where was I going. I told him the name of the church. Then I stop answering. So then he sent me several voice messages and texts. I was stupid and listened to them and read them. He was belittling me for choosing them over him. And since I was going to church we would not have date nights anymore. I never did make it into the sanctuary that day. I couldn't stop weeping. So I stayed in the van until church was over. When I got home I was given the silent treatment. Later that evening I was checking my emails on my business and found a letter from my pastor and when I scrolled down I found a letter written as if it was from me saying that I hated my husband and that he was the biggest pain in the butt. And it was signed by me and sent as if I was sending it through my business email. He was ruining my reputation at the church. I did confront him eventually and all I ever got was I'm sorry. Unfortunately I did stop attending church after that Sunday.
Well now to the reason I left. I had left for the day to get groceries 1 hour away and meet 2 clients and my accountant to help me with my business taxes. I left my oldest daughter in charge. When I came home he was annoyed at me. By Sunday he was angry. Yelling at me on and off all day long. When he would be mad at me I usually couldn't eat and I would clean the house. So this day I was deep cleaning the kitchen and the living room. At one point I was cleaning in the living room and I heard him yelling at all the children. At this point I was cleaning in the living room. So I went to see what was going on because a child was crying. My 3rd child was holding his stomach and crying. My husband was yelling at the children for a broken tab on a laptop, which he hadn't used in years. No one told who did it. (Which they never ever told when things were broken) Anyway he dismissed them. I went back to cleaning. Then I heard him upstairs yelling again about the laptop. I went upstairs to check and see if everyone was ok. He saw me up there and said I didn't invite you up here get the hell out. I said I was seeing if I needed to call the cops. He got mad and then went downstairs. I checked on my son who had been holding his stomach and he said he had been fake crying because that would make Dad stop. I went back down to cleaning the kitchen again. He came in (my back was too him) and said do you need to call the cops now? When I turned around he had a gun pointed at this temple. My first thought was if I pull out my cell now he will pull the trigger and kill himself, me or my year old who was playing on the other side of the couch. I said NO and he left the room and said that he had called my bluff.
I decided then it was over. I was numb for the next 1/2 of the day. I talked to my bff since highschool trying to think it through. Then I talked to some ladies I moderate a forum with. They said leave NOW!!! So I waited for him to go to sleep and I went outside with my cell and called my mom. I told her I was leaving tomorrow and could they help me? I also called my 2 bff's. And I asked one of them if they could come and help me leave the next day. I didn't pack anything in advance. I was afraid a child would see and question or my husband would see also. My bff arrived at 7am and my Step Dad and step brother arrived at 8am.
At that point I gathered all the children together in the family room with my bff supporting me and told them that their father had pointed a gun at his head and that we had to leave now. That they needed to gather together their bedding, their favorite important things and their clothing. I went to work packing the essentials. Some kitchen stuff. My computer, my business equipment and such. It was really rough trying to figure out what part of my life stuff I absolutely needed for survival. My oldest son was at work so we packed his belongings and brought his dog also. I wrote him a letter saying it was over.
We left. I went to the bank and removed 1/2 of 1 of our bank accounts. Then we went to pick up my son from work. He was not happy with my decision to leave. That I was taking him away from his friends and job. Then we went to rent a storage unit about 1 hour from my home. Then we went were we thought I would be safe 2 1/2 hours away. With relatives on my step dad's side. I was overwhelmed with the love and generosity total strangers would give to me and my children.
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