I get Slammed!

I go on with my new life and healing and then SLAM another flashback happens. Something I had buried so deep it was forgotten. Only to sneak back out when I least expect it.
I am getting ready to start potty training and I have really been putting it off. One child is 4 almost 5 and the other 3. They will do it together and I just can't seem to get it done once and for all. I know I need to. I know they need this but I have hesitated. And then the flashback comes and I remember. I had remembered they would get spanked for accidents. But now I remember he would put their nose in it like a freakin dog!   I remember being mad and him not carrying my opinion. I remember the child screaming and crying. And then they would not be closer to potty training I end up farther and farther back. SO I now realize I am hesitating because I fear how they will be treated when they are with their father. What will he do to  them when I am not there to stop him now. How will he hurt my babies. But I have decided I will start in the am. I will train them as well as I can. And we will see where they are doing on friday evening. If they still have a lot of accidents they will go into pull ups for the weekend. If they are doing very well I will send them potty trained. I will also send him  a email stating the best course of action for dealing with a accident. And the things that will not help the training. I was not married to a man I was married to a monster that thought nothing more of us then things he owned and used as he desired.